I cringe just writing the word, hearing it in my mind, punching the keys down, physically fighting it...massacre. My wonderful and wild home splashed on the news and etched into every paper, renamed "The Las Vegas Massacre". It leaves me speechless.
We all thought that one day it would be us, one day they would target our city. We were too much of a tourist attraction, always large amounts of people from all around the country congregating here, partying, having a good time. But none of us could have imagined that it would be like this....
Waking up in the middle of the night to a phone call and countless text messages from friends and family asking if Jordan and I were alright? If we were there?
Immediately we turned on the news and watched on in disbelief. Shooter at Route 91 Festival. From that point on it was a constant flow of calls and texts back and forth to friends and family, checking if they were there, if they were safe, if anyone we knew was hurt. This digital world giving us some comfort as friends put up on their Instagram stories that they were ok; On the other had, scrolling through videos gave everyone a front row seat to the chaos and fear like we were living it with them. Getting ready for work that Monday morning, the news kept playing over and over again clips of the shooting. The sickening sound of the gun firing down, incessantly. The count of dead and wounded constantly rising, ticking away with the minutes on the clock...
It was 11 minutes, it took 11 minutes to murder 58 people and wound over 500.
It hurts.. it hurts so much and I can't explain it and I wasn't even there. I don't know if it's because it could have been me, it easily could have been me. It could have been one of my close friends or a family member. How many concerts have I been to just like this one? Countless. It is part of living in this city, always a new show, another festival. All of the friends getting together and going out to laugh and dance and sing. I am beyond blessed to come out of this with everyone near to me still near, still here with me. Alive. But death is so close. A friend of a friend, shot. A former coworker, hit. A friends niece in critical condition. A friend's younger sister's friend, one of the 58.
In the days that followed I found myself saying "I love you" to everyone over and over again. I just wanted to wake up and the first thing I did was say it. To my boyfriend, my girlfriends, my family and all of my friends. Just to have the opportunity to say it, to tell them how much they mean to me, how much their presence in my life matters. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose any of them and it crushes me to know that too many people have to face that. How do you help someone from feeling that pain? To keep going with that giant hole in their life, where that person once occupied? How do you help the people who have to wake up every morning and decide to push that memory out of their mind? To not be afraid to step outside, or be in a crowd, or close their eyes and not relive that night?
I hope they take some comfort in the one true light in this darkness, the people of this city. Vegas to the people who are born here, raised here, have always known it as a small town. Everybody knows everybody. That whole idea of "2 degrees of separation". They're your next door neighbors brother, or your sister's boyfriend's friend, you took a college class with them, or you go to the same gym. To us, this is a small town. So when this horrible act happened in our own backyard, to our own people and the people who were coming to be a part of our home, we reacted the way any small town would. As if every person their was a family member, a friend. The people of Vegas showed up in heartwarming numbers to help. Lines around the block, people waiting for over 8 hours to give blood, and even some being turned away because the facilities couldn't hold any more. Cars driving through the Convention Center dropping off food and supplies, a constant stream. Dropping off pizzas and waters to fire stations, police stations, hospitals and all the first responders. Hotels offering free stays, an airline offering free flights to get people to Vegas who had family effected, and a Go Fund Me account at $9 million and still growing for the victims. And a beautiful garden with 58 trees to symbolize the victims was put in over night by the community // the pictures in this post were taken there. I truly could not be more proud of the place I was born. To be surrounded by people of this caliber is an honor and a blessing.
That's the kind of love that can defeat such hate. That kind of love can keep us going. That kind of love is the one thing that can prove time and time again, it will prevail.
Waking up each day, I know this feeling will stay with me for the rest of my life. We will all slowly go back to normalcy, unfortunately in the world we live in, a new tragedy will arise in another place or part of the world and the Vegas lights will fade into the background. But we will always remember, we will carry this with us, a scar on our hearts. I've heard that when a bone breaks it grows back stronger. I believe that is how we will be; broken but stronger.
So all I can say is this; Hold your friends and family close. Tell them how much you love them. Don't wait a single second. We don't know how many seconds we will get. And keep your heart open. Don't stop dancing, don't stop singing, don't stop coming together to enjoy this one great beautiful life we get, it is so much sweeter when we share it together. The hate of one can not silence the love of many.
Vegas Strong.
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